Learning to Believe God Loves Me

There are moments when I want to talk to God… but I don’t even know what to say.

No perfect words. No clear thoughts. Just something heavy sitting in my chest.

“Lord, you have searched me and you know me… You perceive my thoughts from afar…
Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.”

-Psalm 139:1–4 (NIV)

That’s where worship has become a lifeline for me.

Right now, my church is in the middle of a 21-day fast leading up to Easter. And when I sat down to really ask myself what I needed to give up, the answer was uncomfortable.

If I’m being honest, I was spending way too much time watching shows—one episode turning into another without even thinking. Hours passing that I could have been spending building my relationship with God.

So I let it go.

And in the quiet that followed… something deeper came up.

The truth is, I’ve always struggled to truly believe that God loves me.

I can believe it for you

I can pray for a stranger and feel completely confident in God’s love for them.

But for me?

That’s been harder.

A therapist once told me that sometimes we see God the way we experienced our earthly father. And that stayed with me. My dad was strict… sometimes hard to please… not always quick with praise. I loved him deeply, and I still miss him. But I think somewhere along the way, I started believing that love had to be earned.

So when it comes to God… I find myself asking:

Do You really love me like that?

Then I heard this song.

"Crazy About You"- Tauren Wells

There’s a line that stopped me in my tracks

"He traded the stars for

a chance at my heart…”

My heart… the one that said yes to Him back in 1992.
The one that still struggles.
The one that doubts sometimes.
The one that’s wandered—but still finds its way back.

And then this part…

“There’s not a moment you’re not onHis mind. There’s no second guessing His sacrifice. He has paid it all ten million times over......
He’s crazy about you”

He’s crazy about… me?

About the girl who still struggles to accept herself?
The one who still has moments of doubt?
The one who wonders if He really sees her?

The girl who truly believes there is power in our words...

yet still needs those same words spoken back to her.

Maybe that's what He's been trying to tell me all along -

You are loved.

You are enough.

You are chosen.

Because if I’m honest… growing up, even when I tried to do everything “right,” I still felt invisible sometimes.

And that feeling doesn’t just disappear.

There are still moments where I wonder:

God… do You see me?

Maybe you’ve felt that too.And then… in the middle of all of this, my husband left me a simple note on my bathroom mirror.

“I love you, and

God loves you so much more."

It stopped me.

Because isn’t that just like God?

To use the most unexpected, ordinary moments to remind me of something my heart has struggled to believe for so long.

My Heavenly Father doesn’t mind telling me over and over again.

He doesn’t get frustrated with me for needing the reminder.
He doesn’t turn away from me.
He doesn’t make me feel like something is wrong with me.

He turns toward me.

Over and over again.

But this fast is showing me something.

God’s love was never about what I could do to earn it.

There is nothing I could do to separate myself from it.

He didn’t leave heaven for a perfect version of me.

He came for me as I am.

Jesus left heaven… became flesh… and endured a horrific, unimaginable death—while being completely sinless.

He felt everything we feel.

Temptation. Pain. Joy. Sorrow. Even deep anguish.

And still… He chose the cross.

Because to Him—it was worth it

I still have questions.

I still have moments of doubt.

And I’m learning to tell Him that honestly.

Because He’s not afraid of my questions.
He’s not easily angered.
He’s not standing there disappointed in me.

Instead, I can almost hear Him say:

“Let’s try again.” He is not done writing my story and He is certainly not done writing YOURS.

It’s hard to fully grasp that kind of love.

A Father in heaven who sees me… knows me… and still chooses me.

How is that even possible?

I don’t know.

But as I sit in this fast… preparing my heart for Easter… I keep coming back to this:

He says WE were worth the sacrifice.

That’s what the cross means.

He suffered… knowing the outcome.

Knowing that one day, there will be no more doubt, no pain, no suffering.

Just Him. And maybe today… if you’re in a season like me…

Just press play. Ask Him to open your ears to receive the TRUTH.

He IS Speaking. 🤍